Explanations
by Elfinium
Summary: The Story so far... Buffy has saved the world... again, and as far as she is aware the blonde vampire Spike perished in the remains of Sunnydale. However... Post Buffy 7 Angel 5  I have ignored the graphic novels  Pure Spuffy. Please Review.
1. Chapter 1

The bar was dark as she knew it would be. Demons tended to like to drink in the dankest places. Buffy thought briefly of Willy's bar back in Sunnydale, and then shook the thought out of her head. She was here in London a million miles away from her old life.

The girls followed her down the stairs, understandably they were apprehensive. Since she had started training the new slayers Buffy never ceased to be touched by their amazement. She had lived in this world for so long, nothing surprised her anymore. Her thoughts drifted again to that first field trip with the potentials, with him. He'd joked that at the prices 'You should get blood straight from the body' then seeing the girls recoil had added… Vampire? It was easy to sometimes forget.

Oh she often forgot. He could be so…normal. He ate human food, liked crappy soap opera's, and loved her.

"Buffy?" One of the girls, Claudia was it? Touched her arm. Buffy knew all their names now, she could even let some of them get close, she had him to thank for that too.

"What? Oh, yes, girls take a look around, but I wouldn't recommend trying the munchies."

Why was he so in her thoughts tonight? Well he was always there but she tried to push it away, buried him deep with the agony of losing him. She had to go on living and make his sacrifice worthwhile. He had died to save the world, burned in the hell mouth to protect them all, to save her. But not tonight, the thoughts would not be dismissed; he was always so persistent she smiled. It was almost as though she could feel him.

Spike was on his second or third shot of whiskey. It was unusual stock for a demon bar, but the owner had become accustomed to his tastes. When the mood took him Spike could boost profits by quite a bit. Business was business.

Everyone left him alone, Spike was a regular here and more than once a broken nose or cracked cranium had emphasised his wish for solitude. Drowning his heart was never going to be a spectator sport.

He felt the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. That prickly feeling he always got when… slayers. And a few of them too, his thoughts went back to the field trip for the slayer wanna be's. It seemed a lifetime ago.

Slayers, no, not just slayers, THE slayer. He raised his head from contemplating his glass. It couldn't be. The ache inside him must be playing tricks on his bloody senses. There it was, that unmistakable scent, sunshine and roses and life. It was his slayer, and she was bloody close. Of all the gin joints in all the world she had to walk into mine. Spike grimaced at the quote. Hell! He downed his drink and got up to leave.

Buffy walked through the bar, keeping an eye on the girls who were cautiously looking around. The sudden movement caught her eye. The black duster, the shock of platinum blonde hair. Someone had stolen his look! Ok, Billy Idol took it but Billy wouldn't be hanging out in a demon bar. Someone was trying to be William the Bloody and who ever it was had some 'splaining to do. She took a couple of steps forward and was shocked by the sudden attack of violent tinglies pulsating through her body. They may have stolen the image, but no way could anyone replicate that feeling.

"Spike?" She called out.

"Bollocks!"

He stopped in his tracks. This was going to be awkward.

He turned, resigned that he had been caught.

"Slayer." He said matter of fact, his head tilted to one side. He wrapped the duster around him his hands crossed in front of himself.

She narrowed the distance between them until she was standing less than two feet away. Why did he have to look so… like that?

"Spike? Is it really you? You're alive!"

"Nope, technically still dead man walking, but I'm back."

"H… how?"

"What? You think you have the monopoly on resurrection, luv?"

He was just standing there, that smug, self satisfied grin. She didn't know whether to throw her arms around him or punch him in the face. How could he be so calm?

He could feel her heart beating; it was going what seemed a thousand beats a minute. Was it her uncertainty that he was real or something else, fear? He held his hands firmly together. He had to control himself. She was there, in front of him; he could have just reached out and run his fingers through that golden hair. He noticed it was still long, god he loved that about her, she was beautiful. It had been so much easier when he couldn't see her, smell her, feel her. His hands clenched tighter.

Around them demons and girls alike had lapsed into silence aware that some drama was enfolding. If there was going to be a fight then the entertainment was always welcome for the clientele, the girls prepared to take notes.

"So, you've seen me. I'm up and about. I'll be on my merry way then." Spike said eventually turning to leave.

Buffy stood with her mouth opening and closing as she watched him walk out of the fire escape with that same arrogant swagger. The crash as the door closed brought her out of the trance. She turned to the waiting audience.

"Anything who touches one of these girls is going to be demon kebab!" She announced before following the blonde vampire.

The street was empty. What I wouldn't give for the smelling people thing right now. She thought. How could he just walk out like that? But he was close, she could feel it. She stood looking left and right, not sure which way to go.

"Spike!" She yelled desperately.

The vampire rolled his eyes. 'I am going to hate myself for this.' He muttered before stepping out from the shadows.

"You bellowed?"

She walked over to him. The punch came at lightening speed connecting with his nose.

" Ow! What the bloody hell did you do that for?" Spike cradled the injured appendage. "And why do you always go for the face?"

"That is for leaving."

"What did you expect me to do? Stand there like a zoo exhibit while you made goldfish faces at me? I have to drink in that bar pet, not good for the image you know."

"I didn't mean in there."

"Oh. Pardon me for dying while saving the world. I forgot that is a patented Buffy trick."

"How did it happen? You coming back?"

"Something to do with the trinket. One minute I'm a roman bloody candle, the next I turn up in Peaches's office. Well, there was some time in between but that's all I remember. Was a ghost for a bit, which was a bundle of laughs I can tell you. Then one day this parcel turns up and POW. There I am with the corporeal again."

"How… how long?"

"Same length as before luv, but thank you for checking." He grinned lecherously. Same old Spike.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "You're still a pig Spike. You know what I meant."

"I don't know really. Few weeks till I came back, hung around with Peaches, another apocalypse, bloody big dragon, usual stuff. I suppose about eighteen months all told."

"You were in that battle?"

"Yeah, just got out by the skin of my wotsits too. You missed a doozie…"

"And in all that time you didn't think. Hey I know I'll call Buffy and just mention the fact that I haven't actually died."

"Well I would have done but I was a bit busy. I did mention the apocalypse…?"

"What about before then? When you first came back?"

"You know I don't do the phone thing pet. Anyway, by the time I got my body back and tall, dark and forehead and I caught up with you, you were all hot and heavy with the Immortal. I figured you weren't exactly sobbing into your pillow every night." Spike knew he sounded petty, but she did go on.

"It was a… thing. I thought you were dead remember?"

Spike held his hands up in mock surrender. "No skin off mine luv. You moved on. I'm happy for you."

Buffy looked into those blue eyes, searching for something. This is Spike; he doesn't give up so easily.

"Is that what you really thought? That I didn't care?" She said quietly.

Spike ran his hand through his hair. This was not a conversation he wanted to have.

"You explained often enough why you could never love me. Quite vocal on that point, quite violent about it too. I guess it eventually sunk in."

"Spike. This is me." That same determined gaze. In that moment he knew he was lost, all pretence at surliness melted away with that look.

"Buffy I… Look shouldn't you be getting back to the slumber party. Those girlies could be bar snacks by now."

"They'll cope. They're slayers; call it on the job training." She held his gaze. "Talk to me Spike. Please?"

He sighed. "All I ever wanted was for you to love me, the way that I loved you. But it was never going to happen was it. Those last few weeks, hell, those last days. I began to believe that maybe… Buffy I can't do this." He looked so helpless that Buffy almost relented. Almost. She took reached out and took his hand. He looked at it, her small hand in his remembering the last time their fingers locked. No visible flames this time but her touch seemed to burn all the same.

"We never were very good with the talking were we?" She said gently.

"No luv, more about the physical. Language we both understood."

"And I regretted that everyday. That I didn't tell you how I felt, not till the end. I don't want to make that mistake again. I want to; no I need to know why you didn't come back to me. Surely you owe me that much? "

He took a deep unnecessary breath. "I love you, you knew it. I told you it wasn't about me. Oh I admit it had been, up until those last days. I would have done anything to be near you. I was just being selfish. But, when I died in that cave, you had the chance to be happy. That's all I ever wanted for you. I could never make you happy but I hoped you would be proud. Finally you would think well of me. I knew you would never truly love me, but your approval, your respect even? That would be enough. I could hardly bloody well turn up after that then could I?"

"But I told you! I told you that I loved you!"

"Yeah." He looked shy, like a little boy. "You told me, but it wasn't me you loved. You loved what I was doing. I knew that. I understand Buffy. There's only one vampire in your heart, I don't know what you see in him, but that's the way it is. I saw it that night in the vineyard and I knew then I had to let you go. Even if you don't end up with broodzilla. I couldn't be second best… knowing."

Her green eyes gazed into his blue. She had the beginning of tears. "You always did know me so well."

Spike moved to pull his hand away but Buffy held it fast.

"Listen to me. I was proud of you Spike, but not just for closing the hell mouth. I was proud of who you had become. Long before that you were a good man even before the soul. When I… when I came back you helped me find myself. When I lost my way after they kicked me out, you were my strength. I couldn't have done it without you."

Uncertainty written all over his face Spike tried to read her.

"And yes, you're right. There is one and only one vampire in my heart."

Spike felt his non beating heart start to break. Not again, he thought I really should edit what comes out of my mouth.

"I don't know what I see in him either. He is the most stubborn, irritating, arrogant, pigheaded, annoying, bonehead!"

Spikes eyes opened wide with surprise.

"He spends years following me around, studying my moods, reading my mind, getting in my way and then, when it comes down to it he's a complete dope! Knows slayers my arse! He completely missed all the most important stuff. Gets a soul, comes back from the dead, becomes the one person I can't live without and _then_ he decides he's not good enough for me."

Buffy stood in front of him her hands on her hips.

"Did I mention shirty? You really are very shirty!"

"Buffy…"

"And next time I tell you that I love you. You had better believe me!"

"So what does that mean?" His eyebrow raised, a slight smile playing on his lips.

"You asked me that once before."

"And you said you didn't know."

"It means that I am tired of everyone deciding what is best for me, _including_ you. Buffy decides what's best for Buffy and you are the best thing for me. I don't know how you could even think you were second best, I chose you as my champion… Unless of course you really have moved on?" Buffy bit her bottom lip as though the thought had only just occurred to her. Perhaps he had found someone else. That would explain why he hadn't contacted her. So much for loving her forever, she suddenly felt very, very foolish.

"Well say something!" She snapped. If he was going to break her heart he had better do it quickly and get it over with instead of standing there just grinning at her like an idiot.

"Waiting for you to answer the question luv. Plus we have company."

"What?"

He inclined his head towards the end of the alleyway. Buffy turned to see her students standing apprehensively. She was relieved that they all seemed to be intact.

"Are you all right Buffy?" One of them called.

"Oh the master slayer is fine." Spike shouted back, never taking his eyes off her. "She's very adept at handling me."

Buffy could feel the blush starting at her toes and finishing about two feet above her head. Why did he have to do that to her. Thank goodness it was dark.

"You girls go ahead. I'll catch up with you." She watched them walk away muttering.

"They're wondering why you haven't staked me already."

"How…?"

"Enhanced Vampire lug'oles remember?"

Buffy smiled. "I'm asking myself the same question."

"Well?" He asked eventually.

"Well what?"

Spike rolled his eyes dramatically. "What does it all mean? You have stood there with the ranting and raving and punching, but you haven't actually even said you bloody missed me! Give a fella a break here!"

Buffy steadied her gaze, focussing on those ice blue orbs. "Spike." She took a deep breath. "I did not miss you. To say I missed you does not even begin to describe the enormous Spike shaped hole that I have in my life. What it all means is that I love you, totally and completely with every part of me. I need you. I am still not ready for you not to be there and I don't think I ever will be. The question is now, do you still want me?"

"We…ll…" Spike could not resist, but the look of absolute horror on her face made him stop. He gently took her face in his hands.

"I told you before, I'll always want you."

Buffy almost collapsed with relief. "So there is no-one else?"

"Well I can't say I've been a saint luv, but no, there is no-one else, there never will be. You're the one Buffy."

As his cool lips met hers Buffy felt like she had finally come home. The thought occurred to her for the first time ever. I'm so glad I'm the one.

Somewhere a hollow laughed echoed in the dark.


	2. Chapter 2

For the longest time Spike and Buffy held each other, their reluctance at intimacy now completely gone. It was as though they had been transported back to those days where they had reached out for strength and comfort which the other was only able to provide.

Somewhere in the dark a hollow laughed echoed.

Eventually reality reclaimed them. Despite the darkeness of the alley their need to feel each other seemed excessive and awkward. They parted, each unwilling to catch the others eye.

To divert them Buffy tried to persuade Spike to come back to the compound. Now that she'd found him, she didn't want to let him out of her sight. For once he stood his ground and refused to be cajoled no matter how much she demanded or pouted.

"Don't you think I've done my bit with baby slayers pet? I'd be surprised if they'd welcome the enemy into the inner sanctum do you?"

She doubted that was the real reason. Even when they had all been forced together before the battle with the first Spike had deliberately managed to keep himself apart. When he wasn't patrolling or training with the potentials he'd disappear into the cellar. He'd used the excuse that he couldn't be trusted without her by his side. She would never let him hurt one of the girls. Buffy suspected she knew differently, this vampire didn't play well with others.

"Dawnie would love to see you…"

He had raised a scarred eyebrow at that. "Low shot slayer." He managed eventually. "As I remember it, nibblet kept her distance. Never sure I wasn't going to lose the plot or something."

Buffy had to concede that the trust between Spike and her sister had been somewhat shattered. The younger Sommers girl had become wary of him. She had seen first hand the violence of his demon and could not reconcile it with the Spike she thought she knew. Her teenage reaction had been to bottle it all up inside only lashing out when confrontation was inevitable.

Spike for his part could understand Dawn's threat to kill him if he ever hurt Buffy. He would have killed himself! But Dawn's rejection of her own blood when the Scoobies turned away Buffy? Peer pressure was alien to him, blood was blood. Because of that he had never tried to push reconciliation, despite how much their mutual coolness may have hurt him.

Buffy suspected that there may have been other factors in his reluctance. The presence of Giles and Robin for a start. He hadn't asked about any of them, but she suspected the powers of Wolfram and Hart had managed to clue him in on the survivors from the hell mouth.

She decided not to push the point.

"You haven't asked." He said eventually.

Buffy lost in her own thoughts was momentarily confused. She had been wondering why no matter which side of the world they happened to be on; they always ended up with the gothica.

They had left the alley. Walking aimlessly through the streets of the city until they found themselves in a graveyard. Spike lolled against a tomb and lit a cigarette.

"Asked what?" She asked innocently knowing full well that she was wasting her time. He had always been able to read her.

His eyes narrowed as he regarded her. "About Angel." He said quietly.

Buffy's felt as though her heart had jumped up to her chest. It wasn't that she had been thinking of her first love, it was the fact that Spike had called him Angel. In all the years that she had known him Spike had never acknowledged his sire by name. Not without muttering 'wanker' under his breath at least. That was all the announcement that she needed. Tears began to sting her eyes. She brushed them away.

"You never asked me about Anya?" She tried to divert attention, reverting to the petty, not wanting to hear what he might have to say.

Spike was not to be fooled. "Nice try, but we know that isn't even in the same ball park…"

Buffy stifled the sob that had had been building in her throat.

In a heartbeat Spike had discarded his smoke and was holding her close to his chest. He stroked her hair and murmured 'Shh' as though she were a frightened horse. Buffy for her part could only cling to him as the tears fell.

Later as they walked back to the compound in silence Buffy felt the need to explain. She just was not sure how to begin.

"He was very special to me…" She began.

"I know luv." He answered simply.

"It doesn't mean…How did it…"Buffy struggled to string together a sentence. She wanted to know, but at the same time she knew Spike was still raw on anything Angel related.

"The big 'I am' to the end. He had to go for the bloody dragon…" There was a strange choke in Spike's throat. Buffy could not work out if it was from his own loss or the fear of hurting her. She suspected that it was a mixture of the two.

"I did love him. Not the way I felt about you, but I did…" She finished lamely.

Spike stepped in front of her, forcing her to stop abruptly. "There is no need. I don't want to know and you don't want to explain yourself. That was a chapter. We remember, we move on. There are always casualties in war. We know that better than anyone. Right?"

Buffy nodded. She tried a watery smile.

"No need to be brave in front of me, kitten. You need to grieve." Spike was looking at her so intently. "I'm not being all selfless and noble before you think I've turned into the poof. I'm here, he's not. He deserves to be mourned."

Buffy reached up on tip toes and kissed him gently on the lips. "Thank you." She whispered. Turning she opened the gate and walked up the drive towards the main house.

Spike watched her go. His face seemed to grow dark, his eyes glowing momentarily gold.

"You're welcome Buff…" He growled.


	3. Chapter 3

Buffy's struggled with her emotions. She couldn't decide if she should be sobbing her heart out for Angel or turning cartwheels because she had her Spike back. Her Spike. He looked just the same, well of course he would. But the feeling, it was as if they had never been apart.

She lay in bed gazing at the ceiling. Her thoughts going back their final night together before the battle.

That night she had stood on the porch for the longest time. Contemplating the morning to come, the lives she was responsible for, the girls she may lose. She was used to feeling alone, but this was different, it had occurred to her, almost as a surprise, that this time she didn't have to be completely alone.

When she entered the cellar he had been waiting for her, standing, looking for the entire world like her salvation, her champion. She had paused at the bottom of the stairs not wanting to spoil the image of him. It couldn't last. They had been drawn to each other by the invisible force of their love. Not a word was spoken as he gently placed his arms around her. Kissing her lightly, gently, Buffy knew that he was taking his lead from her, not wanting to destroy the trust that had built up between them.

They had made love most of the night, really made love, not the violent blind shagging of the past. This had been gentle and almost reverent. They clung to each other not wanting to be out of skin contact. How many times had she relived that night in her mind over the months after? And now, she had found him again, her gentle vampire.

The contrast of emotions tore into her again. How many times had Angel come to her aid, protected her, and guided her? For his faults always been there even when she hadn't wanted him. Now he was gone forever.

Eventually Buffy gave up trying to sleep. She climbed out of bed and padded down towards kitchen. On the way she paused briefly outside Willow and Kennedy's room. She tapped gently on the door. When there was no immediate reply she decided to continue with her trip to the kitchen. She had managed a few steps when the door opened. Turning she was confronted with a scowling Kennedy.

"Buffy!" The girl hissed, surprised. "What's wrong?"

"Oh nothing." Buffy answered in a hushed tone. "Sorry if I woke you. I wondered if Willow was up?"

The witch's head appeared behind her girlfriend. "I'm up, I'm up."

"Is it important?" Kennedy snapped. "It's very early!"

"No, not important. I just wanted some talkie time. It can wait."

Willow cut in, fastening her robe around her. "It's ok. I'm up." She pecked Kennedy lightly on the cheek. "You go back to bed sweetie."

Buffy had continued to the kitchen.

Kennedy pouted. "I wanted to spend some 'us' time as we're awake so early…"

"Me too, but I think Buffy needs to talk? I'll bring you back a big mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows?"

"Why do you have to jump when she says so? It's not even as if she is the one and only anymore, not like my world saving witch, I want to show you how special you are…" She whined.

"She's my friend and I get the feelies that she needs me. I won't be too long?"

Kennedy reluctantly let Willow past. "She still has the power though." She muttered bitterly as the redhead walked away.

In the kitchen Buffy was raiding the fridge as Willow entered.

"Where does all the food go?" She muttered, her head in the icebox.

"Slayering is a high calorie occupation." The witch replied. "That's why you're all so super skinny, but eat like pigs."

Buffy grimaced. "Thanks for the piggy image Will."

They settled either side of the counter with a box of Lucky Charms between them for munchies, sans milk.

"So Buffy. What's the topic?"

"Last night when I was out with the girls. We went to a demon bar and I found Spike!" Buffy blurted out excitedly. She could barely contain herself waiting while her friend digested the information.

"Tall, blonde, Buffy obsessed, vampire, Spike?"

"Is there any other?"

"Guess not." Willow was obviously shaken.

"He's alive and living in London…" Buffy went on to relate the previous evening's conversation as verbatim as possible. When she finished Willow reached out and held her hand.

"Are you ok honey?"

"About Angel? I don't know, yes, no, I think I am still processing. About Spike, a big resounding thousand times yes, yes, yes!"

Willow smiled knowingly. "So does this mean you need me to go out and find some blood because you are too tired after 'patrolling' all night? I take it there is a sleepy vampire upstairs with a very smug smile on his face?"

"No." Buffy said primly. "I slept alone. Thank you!"

Willow looked confused. "I thought you said you found him. Where…Why?"

Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "I tried to get him to come home but he was all bad moody about it. I think he felt kinda weirded out coming back here."

"Spike did? Are you sure he's the same Spike?"

Buffy grinned. "Yeah I know. Must be a side effect of the soul or something."

So…?" Willow grinned. "When are you going to see him again?"

Buffy thought about this for a moment. "I… I don't know?"

"Let me get this straight. You found Spike, who you just admitted happens to be the love of your life and you don't know where he is or when you are going to see him again? What's wrong with this picture?"

Buffy shrugged. "This is Spike we are talking about. He'll turn up."

"He hadn't turned up before now?" Willow said gently.

"No… that was before though. We're all with the communication now, Well… as communicaty as we get. He knows how I feel about him. There's no reason for him to stay away." Buffy was content with her explanation.

Willow didn't want to burst the bubble. She deeply hoped for her friend's sake that she was right.

* * *

><p>Spike had also been contemplating the chance meeting. As he walked away from the gate he was glad that he'd resisted. The easiest thing would have been to follow Buffy; damn it took nearly all his strength to walk away. But no, this time he was determined to take things slowly. It was going to be difficult. Patience had never been one of Spikes strong points, but he had spent so long convincing himself that she was better off without him.<p>

Now everything had changed. There she had been, blonde beautiful Buffy, in the flesh telling him that she loved him, couldn't live without him. Ok, she had still hit him, but that was Buffy all over. If he was going to get a second chance he wanted to give her what she deserved. This time without the imminent end of the world to hurry them, the romantic in him demanded a courtship. She was going to be swept off her feet.

_Deep inside Spikes subconscious Angelus stirred. His surprise at his resurrection and even __greater surprise at being confronted with Buffy had nearly caused him to reveal himself. Clearly he was not in the body that he was used to. This one was smaller, leaner. He was lucky that his initial slip had not been noticed. Calling her Buff would be a dead give away._

_Tentatively his essence stretched out. Not enough to alert his host, but just a feeling out of where he was, and more importantly, who. _

_His presence attracted the demon in Spike. It purred gently, recognising its Sire. _

_Angelus acknowledged the childe immediately. He could not believe his luck. No wait, this wasn't luck this was something more. It was only natural that the Sire would be connected to his childe. They were linked through all eternity, apparently even after the more permanent form of death. He was in no hurry to be on his way to the hell dimension that was no doubt waiting for him. This was a new development that needed to be exploited to its fullest._

_At the same time he would have to be careful. Since becoming close to the slayer, Spike had not been the childe he once was. Angelus could feel the love flowing through his host as he thought of her. Then there was the soul, always troublesome, in his experience. Hadn't his own made his life a living hell, with the brooding and the doing good? How would Spike's soul react to an evil interloper? Best to keep hidden for the moment until the situation could be more fully assessed._

_In the meantime the bloodlust in Spike began to rise. Angelus latched onto it with a vengeance, keeping himself concealed behind Spikes own yearnings to feed._

Spike felt his stomach rumbling. The need for food was suddenly strong. He thought of the jar of pig's blood back in his apartment and made a face. No matter what he added to it, it still tasted like pigs blood.

Briefly he imagined the taste of human blood. His mouth watered involuntarily. He shook his head. 'Where the bloody hell had that come from?'

Mentally slapping himself, he decided it best to get back home. 'Hunger must be worse than I thought.'

_Deep inside Angelus subsided. 'You run along home boy.__ I can wait… for now." _


	4. Chapter 4

_Previously on BtVS: Buffy is living in London at the Slayer Academy. Whilst on a trainee Slayer field trip she comes across Spike in a demon bar. One broken nose and a few snarky comments later, the Vampire finds himself again under the original slayer's spell, this time without the hocus pocus. _

_Wanting to give his girl the courtship she deserves Spike gathers all his self control, leaving her to go to her bed alone and limiting their contact to nothing more than a kiss. (All be it with the rising music and the… rising music.) Buffy reluctantly lets him go, using the time to deal with her true loves return and the knowledge that her first love Angel died in the final battle._

_Unbeknown to them both, is seems their renewed connection has also channelled the demon Angelus who has taken up residence in Spike's subconscious. _

_Angelus is weak and confused, biding his time… for the moment. _

* * *

><p>Buffy decided to cut short the patrol. Since she had spent most of the evening looking out for Spike the girls weren't getting the full benefit of her instruction. Plus with them in tow, she couldn't concentrate on finding her blonde vampire. She decided to drop off the group then get back out for another look. He had to be around somewhere.<p>

As they approached the gates of the manor house Buffy was lost in thought, perhaps Willow was right and she should have got Spike's address, what if he had disappeared again, how would she find him? She'd be so confident that he would be back. The nagging thought refused to leave her head. What if she had taken him for granted that once too often?

Buffy became aware that one of the girls, Gillian wasn't it, was talking to her.

"What?" She asked, completely oblivious to what the girl had said.

"I was wondering about the…" The teenager was cut off in mid sentence.

"Slayer!" That familiar dark growl made the hairs stand up on Buffy's neck. She turned towards the sound.

He was leaning lazily against the gatepost calmly smoking a cigarette. With a flick the butt was thrown into the gutter as he stepped out of the shadows. Behind her Buffy was aware of the girls gasping.

"Spike!" She kept her voice devoid of all emotion. Her arms folded in front of her chest.

He strode over towards the group, the arrogant swagger working to the fullest effect. He stopped a few feet in front of her.

"You starting up a meals in hush puppies delivery slayer?" The deep British accent was filled with menace.

"You'd have to get through me first Spike." She countered.

Spike laughed sending chills of fear down the girl's spines. "Then dance with me Slayer."

They began to circle each other. Each watching for the first move, any slight opening.

"Can any of you girls tell me what we have here?" Buffy asked.

One of the girls raised her hand, but quickly realised that her action was not going to be noticed. "A Vampire?" She said nervously.

"_A_ Vampire?" Spike raised an eyebrow, an evil grin plastered across his face. "Just _a_ vampire?"

The girls looked at each other, confused. Buffy's and Spikes eyes never left each other.

"This is not just any vampire." Buffy began. "Note the absence of just dug myself out of a grave-iness, the lack of desperation to feed and the… Spike are you wearing aftershave?" Buffy's brow furrowed as she caught a feint trace in the air.

Spike stopped circling, his head on one side. "Just because a fella is dead doesn't mean he can't smell good. Now can we get on with this?"

"What? Yes, of course. Anyway as I was saying, this is what they call a master vampire. He will have sired others, has been around for centuries. He has the speed, the agility, the experience."

"Not to mention the good looks and cat like grace." Spike cut in.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Not to mention the modesty that goes with it."

Spike suddenly sprang at her, pushing Buffy backwards. She leapt to her feet and countered with a kick to the face. Spike ducked and threw a punch connecting with her jaw, with lightening speed Buffy's own fist barrelled into his own face causing him to reel momentarily. She grabbed him by the collar of his duster sending him spiralling across the pavement. Running after him she pounced, missing him completely as he was already on his feet. Her kick caught his feet out from under him as she caught him this time, straddling him, the stake in her hand.

Buffy was breathless, she wasn't sure whether it was the fight or the close proximity to him. "You have to watch these ones they can be tricky. He may have even taken a slayer or…"

"I may even take another one." He whispered hoarsely. The innocence of his statement in complete contrast to the lecherous grin he now wore. Buffy was glad it was dark as she felt herself blush to the roots of her hair.

The girls were standing open mouthed.

"I think we made our point don't you?" Buffy said to Spike as she helped him to his feet.

"In more ways than one." He obviously needed to adjust things under the semi privacy of his coat.

This sudden stop in hostilities had the girls even more aghast.

"So he's not a master vampire?" Gillian, yes Buffy was sure it was Gillian, ventured.

"Oh no I am."

Gillian looked even more confused. "Then…"

Buffy decided to put them out of their misery. "Spike is a master vampire, he has even killed two slayers…"

Spike looked sideways at Buffy; he wasn't entirely comfortable with that bit.

"But, he has a soul now, of his own doing, he's one of the good guys. He's a… friend." Even to Buffy's ears it sounded seriously lame.

She dismissed the bemused girls who ran up the driveway giggling.

"A friend?" Spike was looking at her with those adorable questioning blue eyes.

"Most of them aren't even sixteen yet. What did you want me to say? This is Spike, he's a master vampire and we have red hot monkey sex?"

Spike nearly choked. "Red hot…"

Buffy held up her hand. "Don't even go there."

Spike grinned, realising that she had embarrassed herself. Taking her hand he said simply. "C'mon. Something I wanna show you."

In ten minutes they had reached the graveyard. "Haven't I had enough for one night, with the staking and the fighting?" Buffy whined.

"Not like this." Spike's grin was mischievous.

As they rounded the corner, Buffy gasped in amazement. There, set out amongst the graves was a table. It's crisp white table cloth seemed to glow in the light of the full moon. To the side was a silver ice bucket and completing the scene, a gentle waltz was playing. A very nervous looking green demon hovered next to the table. As they approached he bobbed up and down.

"Mister Spike, did as you asked Mister Spike, no-one comes near nice table Mister Spike, did as you ask."

Spike watched the demon twitching and eventually sighed unnecessarily. "Good work my little warty friend, you can go now."

The demon seemed to sag with relief; he was just turning to leave when a firm hand grasped his shoulder. "Right after you've returned the bottle of champagne that should be in that there ice bucket."

The demon resumed its nervous bobbing. "Of course Mister Spike, I was just making sure it was extra chilled, for you Mister Spike." The bottle was returned and the demon beat a hasty retreat.

"Bloody demons, can't trust 'em as far as you can spit!" Spike muttered under his breath.

"Oh Spike, this is wonderful." Buffy gasped.

Spike was opening the champagne. "I know a graveyard isn't exactly… but I know you never take a day off and I figured this could be a working lunch, um supper."

Buffy accepted the offered glass. "Why did he steal it? Do demons even drink champagne?" She asked taking a sip.

"No, but sometimes if it aint nailed down…In certain quarters you can barter with it. I think the going rate is two tabbies and a Siamese."

Buffy giggled. "I still don't get the kitten thing."

"There is only one kitten I am interested in these days." Buffy found her glass taken out of her hand.

"Hey!" She protested only to be pulled into his arms.

"Dance with me Buffy."


	5. Chapter 5

They walked back to the manor hand in hand, comfortable in the silence. Buffy didn't know if it was the champagne or the sheer intoxication of being so close to him. For once there wasn't an impending danger to worry about, only the adventure that was Spike.

They reached the gate all too soon.

"Your stop luv." He said softly, lifting her hand to his lips and gently kissing the inside of her wrist. The beat of her pulse resounding through his senses.

Buffy hesitated. He surely wasn't going to leave her again!

"It doesn't have to be?" Her green eyes searching his face for some confirmation that he was getting the hint.

He tilted his head to one side gazing at her. Not for the first time, he considered how lucky he was not to have breath. When she looked like that she would just take it clean away. "Time all good slayers got their beauty sleep."

She frowned for a moment. "Are you saying I need it?"

Spike rolled his eyes. "I am not even going to justify that with a comment slayer."

Buffy giggled, that was definitely the champagne.

"You can't just walk out on me again…" She ran her free hand lightly down his chest. "How about you come and tuck me in?"

Spike stiffened, in more than one area. This wasn't fair; he was trying to be a gentleman. Wasn't it temptation enough without her looking at him like… that?"

He attempted to let go of her hand, but she held it fast, pulling him closer. "Don't you want to?" It was almost an innocent question.

Wrenching his hand free he stepped back. "Of course but…"

She looked almost hurt at his retreat. It was enough to break his non beating heart, but, for her he would make this special. Those others, Angel, Parker, Riley, they had never taken the time to appreciate her, worship her, love her. She needed to learn that she deserved all those things. He wanted her to experience the joy of courtship.

She stood the familiar stance, hands on hips ready for a confrontation.

"You don't want to be with me?" The accusation, even a slightly squiffy Buffy presented a formidable figure.

He ran his hand through his hair. "Of course I do."

She took a moment to process the information. She looked up into his face and pouted. "Do you still love me?"

That was all it took. He crossed the distance between them taking her face in his hands. "You know I will always love you!"

Her hands explored the contours of his chest sending shivers down his spine. She suppressed a giggle as she sensed his desire. Still keeping contact she moved around him, allowing her fingers to trace gently patterns across his chest, around his back and then back across his stomach resting just above the line of his belt. She stroked the skin under the buckle sending visible shivers through his body.

"Are you saying that you don't want to spend the night with me?" There was a barely perceived flutter of her eyelashes as her warm hands explored his waistline.

"No." He said with difficulty, the words catching in his throat. He could smell her desire, feel the heat coming off her. Inside was an internal debate. The lust he felt screaming for release, his inner William equalled in his desire to make her feel special. He had so much that he needed to make right. He had to prove that he had self control. He never wanted her to feel that the night in the bathroom would happen again. That hateful night when he lost control.

Her body was pressed close to him, her hands exploring the contours of his back. She ran her nose along the curve of his neck, her breath allowing even more blood to flow south.

"Buffy… don't… please…"

It was almost a whimper. She had him completely entranced and she knew it. He was welded to the spot and she rubbed herself up against him.

"Why not?" The innocence was almost painful. Didn't the chit realise what she was doing to him?

With all the strength he could manage he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away. His body instantly mourning the loss of contact.

"Buffy!"

"Spike!"

He rubbed his hands through his hair. "I am trying to do something here and you are really not helping!"

She crossed her arms. "What are you trying to do?"

"Making you happy?"

She giggled, instantly relaxing. "I don't recall you having any problem making me happy before?"

He sighed, exasperated. It was all the incentive she needed. Moving into his arms she wrapped herself around him. Turning her face up to his she whispered. "I want to be with you, you want to be with me. I fail to see the problem."

"It's the alcohol talking." His voice was hoarse.

"Do you really think that?" His silence was worrying. Buffy reached up and stroked his face, forcing him to look at her.

"It is almost as though you don't believe it?" Her fingers had found there way under his tee shirt. To Spike it felt as though an electric current was being passed through his skin.

Her lips brushed against his neck, finding their way up to his ear, her hot tongue exploring.

Suddenly any sense of the Victorian gentleman disintegrated. All he could think of was her smell, her taste, how much he wanted her.

Grabbing her around the waist he pushed her backwards against the wall. Instinctively she lifted herself, her legs wrapped around his waist and his lips pressed into hers. All the suppressed passion exploding in the desire of his kiss.

Suddenly all semblance of control was gone, he wanted her and he wanted her now. The pulse of her blood stampeded through his own veins.

His lips left her mouth. He could almost taste her increased desire having pushed him over the edge. How she must trust him? Moving down her neck, he kissed and nibbled at the skin. The taste of her, apricots and sunshine, they intoxicated.

His demon roared. The demon within the demon roared. Angelus tingled. This was his blood. Suddenly he knew what had brought him back. He, Angel, had fed from the slayer. The slayer was connected to his childe.

Buffy felt herself washed away on a tide of his passion. This was the Spike she knew, the one that couldn't deny her.

The blood pumped under her skin. Spike could feel it. It made him want to scream.

Then there was a new voice. Unexpected and unwelcome. It was listening to the blood. It was listening and responding.

Spikes lips hesitated over Buffy's vein. The passion burning within him. All his demon senses screamed, Bite, Bite, rip out her throat!

With shock he threw Buffy away from him.

"I have to go!" He said before striding off into the night.


	6. Chapter 6

Previously on BtVS: Buffy is living in London at the Slayer Academy. Whilst on a trainee Slayer field trip she comes across Spike in a demon bar. One broken nose and a few snarky comments later, the Vampire finds himself again under the original slayer's spell, this time without the hocus pocus.

Spike tries to control the demon within. Buffy tracks him down, when he eventually explains to her why he ran, she takes him back to the manor to keep him contained while they work on a solution.

* * *

><p>Buffy was trying to keep the hysteria out of her voice as she explained to Willow what had happened. "We were, um, saying goodnight…"<p>

"With the tongues and the ripping off of the clothes?" Her friend's eyebrows waggled as she teased.

A slight blush rose on Buffy's cheeks. "Anyway, then he just left!"

"Mid rip?"

"Not exactly but…"

"Spike with self control, now there is a thing." Willow took a sip of her coffee.

"No, you don't understand…" Buffy started again.

"You're pissed because you turned out to be resistible?"

"No, yes. Look I'm telling you, it was something else. This wasn't 'I want to be all sappy and romantic' He looked genuinely freaked!"

"Not a reaction you were going for?"

"No. That was three nights ago. No sign of him since!"

Willow considered. "So you want me to do a locater spell? Is that it?"

"I'd be grateful Will." Buffy smiled, relieved.

"Ok, but you have to do something for me in return? You have to tell Dawnie that he's back."

A troubled look crossed Buffy's face. "Have kinda been avoiding that whole can of worms."

"You know the trainee slayers gossip. It's only so long before one of them asks her what the deal with the vampire is. And then she is going to know and ask you why you didn't tell her. Then with the high pitched screaming and I don't think the dogs in the area can take that?"

"I know, I know, I'll tell her. I just wanted to make sure that he was proper back first. She's lost too many people to have to deal with any more disappointment."

"You sure that's the only reason?"

"Ok, I'm not sure how she is going to react. I mean when Dawn's upset with someone she kinda holds on to it. Things were never right between them, it's as though she totally forgot all the good things he's done, for her especially?"

"Like you have kinda forgotten all the bad sweetie?" Willow said gently.

"Not forgotten, but it's different. I wasn't exactly blameless. I did my share of the hurting. But I am going to make it up to him?"

"Perhaps Dawnie was getting her own frustration at Spike out of her system? But you know deep down she loves him. She needs the chance to make things right too. She can't do that if she doesn't know?"

"I'll tell her. I really will, but I have to find him first!"

Willow nodded in agreement. "Ok, spell to find a mislaid Vampire it is."

* * *

><p>Spike wasn't entirely sure when his legs had stopped working. It may have been somewhere between the second or the third bottle of scotch. All he knew was the command to move was leaving his brain and then going on a little detour, because it definitely wasn't being received. He poked his left thigh, missing the first time, but eventually on target with the second attempt. Yes, these legs still seemed to belong to him. He took another swig from the bottle in his hand before going back to trying to get up.<p>

Forgetting what he actually wanted to get up for, his concentration was drawn to the television. Well, he could actually see two televisions. His eyes seemed to be trying to go in two separate directions to watch one each. Shaking his head, he tried to get everything back in line. It only to achieve a head rush that left the room spinning. He decided to have another drink while he waited for it to stop.

The incident with Buffy had really taken him by surprise, worse than that it had left him terrified. He's always had a rather good relationship with his demon. He gave it an outlet for destruction and death of any manner of ooglie booglies. In return it left him alone to not kill people if he didn't want to. The soul of course had enhanced the package, but generally the demon was always under control.

This had been different. It had felt alien and new, and totally out of whack. Worse even than that, it had wanted to kill Buffy.

There were few things that Spike could be certain of about himself. Hell if someone had told him ten years ago that he would be all ensouled and save the world he would have laughed himself sick… before killing them. He was a constant source of amazement to himself. But there was one thing that he could see with absolute clarity. No part of him had the capacity, demon or not, to ever, ever hurt Buffy. He loved her with every part of his being, which was always going to be stronger.

So, this was something else and he had done what seemed like the best idea at the time. Whatever was causing his demon to go all fluey, he would drown the little sucker in whiskey until it behaved itself.

The pounding on the door broke him out of his reverie. He looked around for a moment trying to decide where the noise was coming from.

Spike never had visitors. It was something he actively discouraged by not telling anyone where he lived.

There was of course that incident with the Jehovah Witnesses that time. Strange how an active and passionate discussion on his views regarding the giving or taking rather of blood had caused theirs to drain from there faces. He suspected he may not have been blacklisted because they had never been back.

The pounding continued. He smacked the side of his head. No the noise was definitely coming from outside of his brain. With a lurch he got to his feet and moved in the direction of the racket. Pausing mid way he realised that he was walking. 'Hey, legs do work!' He thought cheerfully. Kicking one out experimentally, nearly causing himself to fall over. He grabbed the door in support. 'Ok, best not to draw attention to them.'

Wrenching open the door he bellowed. "What!"

Buffy's fist stopped mid pound. She swayed back visibly as the alcohol fumes hit her.

"Jesus Spike!"

"I know I have a soul pet, but I think I've a way to go before I get there."

He hung onto the door for support, trying to keep a fix on the wobbly vision in front of him.

"Where have you been?" She demanded. Buffy was relieved to see him, but that didn't quite mask her revulsion at the state he was in. She waved a hand in front of her nose. "And when did you last take a shower. You are ripe!"

Spike, still clutching his bottle, indicated the room in answer to her first question. To the second he attempted to sniff an armpit, he pulled a face.

Staggering back to the armchair and leaving the door wide open he called. "You can come in slayer. S'not like you need an invitation."

Trying not to breathe, she followed him into the room. It was a simply furnished basement apartment, filled with items he's obviously managed to beg borrow or steal.

She supposed the term would be shabby chic… or junk depending on your viewpoint.

"What is wrong with you?" Buffy asked.

"Me?" He raised a scarred eyebrow. "S'nothing wrong with me. Just having a little drinkee… or seven. You want one?" He waved the bottle at her.

"A world of no! And I don't think you need anymore either!"

Spike frowned and pointed a wobbly finger at her. "Now look here, bloody woman. I don't remember anything in the bloody deal that says you can tell me when I can have a bloody drink and when I can't have a bloody drink!"

"Fine!" Buffy waved a hand. "Have a drink, have lots to drink. Knock yourself out!"

Still scowling, he looked at the bottle in his hand. With effort he managed to put it down on the coffee table. "I don't want to now." He said petulantly.

"You are a total mess!" She said sadly.

He grinned at her. "You mean you don't like that I have a mind of my own and that I can do whatever I want to. If that means getting completely wasted then so be it!"

"That wasn't what I meant." She sighed. This was going to be such hard work.

"You expected me to come back and just fall into my little role of prize poodle dint ya? Well I warn you kitten, this pup has teeth!"

"Have you moved up from kittens to puppies?" Buffy tried not to smile, this was ridiculous.

Spike waved a finger, about to say something. He paused while he translated what she had just said. "Anyway." He said eventually. "S'normal for a fella to have a few drinks every now and then. Without his bird giving him grief about it!"

Buffy picked up an empty bottle. "A few?" She moved towards the door. "Ok, I'll leave you to have your drink. If you decide you actually want to get out from the bottom of the bottle at some point, let me know. I was just worried about you! Excuse me for caring!"

Spike rubbed his hand through his hair, trying to sober a little. "I know pet, I'm sorry..."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I don't understand. The other night? This? I don't know what has gotten into you!"

Spike leant forward his head in his hands. After a moment, his blue eyes looked into hers.

"That's the point. Neither do I pet. I think I just might need your help."


	7. Chapter 7

Previously on BtVS: Buffy is living in London at the Slayer Academy. Whilst on a trainee Slayer field trip she comes across Spike in a demon bar. One broken nose and a few snarky comments later, the Vampire finds himself again under the original slayer's spell, this time without the hocus pocus.

Spike tries to control the demon within. Buffy tracks him down, when he eventually explains to her why he ran, she takes him back to the manor to keep him contained while they work on a solution.

* * *

><p>Spike groaned. Vampire healing or not this was the mother of all hangovers.<p>

Deciding that vertical was overrated, he lay back on the simple cot bed.

He'd explained to Buffy what had been happening. The flashes, the urge to feed, and with reluctance, the reason he had needed to be far, far away from her on the night of their dinner.

Her eyes had opened wide at that, her shock had nearly made him bolt for the door then and there in shame and disgust

But, he had to get this sorted out. He couldn't stay drunk for the rest of his life, tempting as that may be. If something was screwing with him, then it needed its arse kicked. That, the slayer was good at.

Once the sense of direction had returned to his legs she had insisted on bringing him back to the manor house. They had a cage in the basement that could keep him 'contained' until a solution could be found.

Unfortunately it meant contact with the other remaining Scoobies.

Giles stood next to Buffy cleaning his glasses vigorously. "So let me get this straight. Spike is alive and suddenly appeared out of nowhere, which you failed to mention. He now has the urge to feed again and you thought it best to bring him here?"

Buffy, her arms folded across her chest, nodded in agreement.

"Here, where there are lots of young, inexperienced girls that he could potentially feed on?"

"Here where there are lots of strong slayers and a big solid looking cage. Explain to me why we have the cage if we never put anyone in it?"

Giles ignored the question. "And we have no idea what or who is antagonising the inner Spike? Spike! This is to do with you!"

Spike just groaned in reply.

"He tried to drown it… in whiskey."

"Yes, I think we can all smell that Buffy thank you." Giles was prim. He went back to cleaning his glasses. "Well since we have him here as a *guest* I suggest we hit the books and try and see what or who has the power to possess someone already possessed. And you Spike, I suggest you just do what you're do…"

He was broken off mid sentence as a Dawn shaped whirlwind that stormed into the basement.

"Spike!" She squealed.

Everyone winced, Spike even more so. Vampire hearing and girlie teenage squawking were a very bad combination. He struggled to sit upright.

"Niblet."

She strode into the cage and stood over the still seated Spike. There seemed to be a whole range of emotions dancing over her features from absolute delight to complete fury.

Unable to articulate for the moment, she shot her foot out and kicked him hard in the shin.

"Ow!" He yelled rubbing the offending leg.

Buffy smirked. "I should have warned you, she has this kicking thing."

In the next second Dawn threw her arms around the Vampires neck. Hugging him so hard that he was grateful that he couldn't breathe.

"I am so happy to see you!" She squeaked.

"I could tell!" He unravelled himself from her vicelike grip, and rubbing his leg again.

"That was for not telling me you were back. How could you not be dead and not mention something like that! I thought you would have at least told Buffy!"

Dawn glanced at her sister then back to the vampire. The momentary guilt that flashed across both their faces didn't go unnoticed.

She pushed herself away from Spike. Glaring at her sister angrily she growled. "You knew didn't you? You knew and you didn't tell me. What was it? Did you want him all to yourself? I liked him before you did! You hated him!"

Buffy dodged a kick that had been aimed at her own shin. She looked to Spike for support. He was just staring back at her in his own puzzlement.

"You didn't tell nibblet?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. 'Thanks for that!' She thought.

"No Dawnie, and there is a good reason for that which we will discuss later. Right now Spike needs our help."

Giles placed his hand under the younger Summers girls' elbow. "Come on Dawn, we have some research to do. You can kick Buffy later when she isn't looking!"

Left alone, Spike decided to go back to lying down.

"You going to be Ok down here?" There was a concern in her voice that he found touching.

"Yeah. Big strong bars, I should be safe as houses."

Buffy sat down next to him on the cot. Taking her hand in his she caressed his fingers, entwining them with her own.

"We will solve this. Then do you think we might…"

"Let's just get this done first, eh pet? I don't mind being love's bitch so much but I'm not prepared to be anyone else's."

Deep within Spike Angelus stirred. He had been sleeping. Spike's distance from the slayer had cut off Angelus's source of power. But now, she had been close by for some time. The heat from her was enough to send delicious pulses through his being.

She was touching his childe, their hands clasped together. Angelus drew the strength to him. He could almost taste the power, the heat.

The beat of her pulse soared as she leant forward and wrapped her arms around Spike who returned her embrace, clinging to her as though his life depended on it.

Angelus almost screamed with delight, this is what he needed; the slayer was the key to his taking over this body for good.

Just touching Buffy had made Spike tingle. The smell of her hair, the softness of her skin. And such skin. He imagined her naked and that was enough to send his blood rushing south.

He shifted slightly to try and take the pressure of the hardness that was pressing against the zip of his jeans.

Buffy notice his movement and smiled. "You really do pick your moments, now you want to play!" She kissed him before laying her head back down on his chest.

The demon was screaming inside him. Spike could feel the need rising, the blood lust pulsed through his veins.

Involuntarily he slipped into game face. He could feel Buffy's heart, her pulse and he wanted to… No! He had to resist!

Angelus was demanding attention, screaming for Spike to take the girl, claim the slayer!

With supreme effort, Spike forced his face back into the human. Gently but firmly he pushed Buffy away from him.

"I think you need to leave." He said hoarsely.

"Did it happen again?" Her eyes were wide with concern.

Spikes head twitched sideways as his game face flashed for just a moment before returning to human. He struggled to speak.

"It's happening now and I need you to get out and lock the bloody door!"

She scrambled backwards slamming the door shut behind her as he changed fully into game face.

He fingers fumbled with the key, the lock slipping into place just as he lunged, smashing into the bars.

He shook the door as she backed away trembling.

"I know you want me..." He growled. "I can smell it, your desire…" He breathed deep. ", you reek of it!"

"No!" She whispered, horrified at the slavering beast in front of her.

"Come on Buff…" He wheedled "Open the door. We both know you want to!"

The realisation hit her as if she had been physically slapped. "Angelus!"


	8. Chapter 8

Previously on BtVS: Buffy is living in London at the Slayer Academy. Whilst on a trainee Slayer field trip she comes across Spike in a demon bar. One broken nose and a few snarky comments later, the Vampire finds himself again under the original slayer's spell, this time without the hocus pocus.

Spike tries to control the demon within. Buffy tracks him down, when he eventually explains to her why he ran, she takes him back to the manor to keep him contained while they work on a solution. Her presence causes the inner Angelus to take control, leaving Buffy to barely escape with her life!

Spike is safe enough until a jealous Kennedy decides to let Angelus loose.

* * *

><p>Buffy took the stairs two at a time. She raced through the academy, desperate to get to the library. In her haste she nearly knocked Kennedy flying.<p>

"Hey!" The younger slayer shouted at Buffy's retreating back.

"Don't mind me will you!" Kennedy muttered, picking up the plate she'd dropped. She took it back to the kitchen, intent on making herself another snack. Eventually her annoyance got the better of her, she resolved to find Buffy and demand her apology.

It was a breathless Buffy that finally found Giles and Dawn already pouring over the books. Willow worked at her lap top. All three looked up in surprise at Buffy's explosive entrance.

"I know what's gotten hold of Spike! It's Angelus!" She blurted.

Giles looked over the top of his glasses. "Angelus has taken over Spike? I thought he died in the final battle?"

"How..?" Buffy began, she hadn't told Giles about Angel. There were evidently some things that the watcher knew but hadn't been telling.

"Never mind." Giles was saying, sensing her confusion. "How do you know it's Angelus?"

"I was sitting with Spike…"

"More clothes ripping?" Willow asked.

Giles gave her a look. "Yes… I don't think we need to hear about that!" He turned his head towards Buffy asking. "Clothes ripping?"

Buffy waved it off. "It was trying to get out, Spike was struggling to control it, he pushed me out of the cage just before it came to the surface."

"And you are sure it was Angelus?" Giles wanted to know.

"I would know him anywhere!"

"Any idea how it could have happened?" asked Willow.

Buffy shook her head. "All I know is right now, Angelus is down there wrapped in Spike packaging.

The discussion as to how they could remove Angelus without losing what was left of Spike was in full swing when Kennedy joined them.

"Hey Sweetie!" Willow called. "Pull up a book!"

Kennedy frowned at Buffy. "You nearly knocked me flying, and I think you should at least say sorry!"

All she received for her trouble was a confused look from Buffy. "Um, Ok, sorry. Was in kind of a hurry!"

"Spikes possessed by the spirit of his sire." Willow filled her in, hoping to take some of the wind out of her lover's sails.

"Oh I might have known it would be about Spike. We're right back to Sunnydale aren't we? As far as Buffy is concerned the world grinds to a halt when there is anything to do with Spike. I don't know why you don't just stake him and get it over with!" Kennedy's eyes flashed with anger.

Buffy rose slowly to her feet, facing the younger girl who glared at her defiantly. "And what do you know about it?"

"I know that every time we have anything to do with Spike, you go completely crazy!"

Buffy's calm tone dripped with warning. "I would suggest you don't get onto a subject you know nothing about."

"I know that he tried to rape you." Kennedy enjoyed the slight wince her words caused. "Apparently that did it for you enough to make you risk all our lives to save his butt over and over again."

Buffy wanted to slap the smug look off her face.

Willow stepped between them. "That's enough sweetie!" She said quietly.

Kennedy turned her fury toward her girlfriend. "You are doing it again! Defending her! I sometimes think there are three people in this relationship and I am the least important!"

Willows face softened. "You know that's not true. Buffy is my friend.

"Yes and I am your girlfriend apparently that means nothing to you." Kennedy brushed off Willows hand and with a final glare at Buffy stormed out of the library.

There had been little luck with the research. However Angelus had managed to get back it appeared to be unprecedented. First to start flagging was Dawn. Reluctantly they agreed that there wasn't much more they could do that night. Perhaps a decent rest would refresh them all for the morning.

* * *

><p>Buffy toyed with the idea of returning to the basement to see how Spike was doing. She found him lying on the cot with his hands behind his head.<p>

"Spike?" She said. Deliberately keeping her voice strong and controlled until she found out who she was dealing with.

The cool blue eyes turned to her. He sprang from the cot and moved over to the bars.

Still keeping her distance she asked again. "Spike is that you?"

"It's me Buffy." He said softly. He was uncertain what to do. He knew that something had happened, that he had frightened her. "I'm…I'm sorry." He said.

Spike looked so dejected that she just wanted to take him in her arms and make it all better. She took a step forward.

"Don't!" He said suddenly in alarm. "It's not safe!"

"But it's you Spike, you are safe. It's Angelus… he is… in you!"

"Angelus! That bastard! You have to kill me Buffy. You can't let him out again. You have to do it before it is too late!"

She shook her head sadly.

"What do you mean no! You have to, you know that! I can feel it, Buffy. I can feel the evil inside me. If it is Angelus then he is getting stronger and I don't know how long I can hold him down."

"I… I can't. I lost you once and I couldn't bear it if it happened again." Her eyes filled with tears. "There has to be another way."

Reluctantly, she turned and walked back up the stairs.

Angelus had mourned when she left. Her presence enough to make him able to take control, if only for a short time.

And the boy had let her escape, pushed her out of his reach. The fool, he would pay for that!

He needed to be close to her and if he wanted permanence then he had to make his childe drink from her, just as Angel had done. Then he would be flesh once more.

Kennedy watched Buffy leave the basement. 'Just can't stay away from him can she?'

She waited until the older slayer had gone before slipping down the stairs herself. It was about time that the problems Spike caused were solved once and for all, and if it had the added bonus of giving Buffy some pain, then all the better. Kennedy wasn't about to wait around for disaster to strike.

The lights were dim in the basement. 'All the better for Spike's comfort no doubt.' Kennedy thought bitterly.

She held the stake in her right hand savouring how solid it felt.

The vampire lay on the bed. He seemed oblivious to her presence. She crept closer.

"You may as well put a bloody cowbell around your neck; I could sense you coming as soon as you opened the door!"

Kennedy jumped. Renewing her resolve she moved towards the cage, no longer bothering with stealth.

Angelus stretched. 'Hello. Buff, she had been here, but not long enough to sustain him. What was this though? Slayer definitely, not the original, not the one tied to his blood but slayer no doubt. The blood bond may not be there, but he could draw on her energy.

"Did you want something or did you just come to gawk at the Vampire?" Spike asked. He still hadn't bothered to look in her direction.

"You are trouble Spike."

"Yep that's me baby, bad to the bone!"

"You're not bad!" Kennedy spat. "You're pathetic, running to Buffy every time you have a problem, putting us all in danger!"

Spike sensed the anger in her words. So did Angelus. The childe was concerned, the sire was delighted. This was something he could use.

The blonde vampire felt the demon stirring. Angelus, he could recognise him now, the cruelty and malice was almost a homecoming.

"I would suggest that you run away out of here little girl…" Spike warned getting to his feet.

Angelus drew on the essence of the young slayer. The closer she stepped, the more he could feel her. It was nowhere near as intoxicating as being near Buffy, but the link, however tentative was all he needed.

His presence reached out to engulf Spike. For a moment they struggled for control, Spike clutching his head.

Kennedy watched impassively. "This was going to be easy."

She unlocked the gate as Spike staggered backwards, trying to resist the creature ripping into his mind, conjoining with his inner demon, the two making each other stronger.

Kennedy lunged forward the stake aimed towards Spike's heart. With lightening speed the vampire's hand shot downwards, grabbing her wrist and wrenching it behind her back, turning her away from him. She winced in pain as she felt the bones grind together under his grip.

His mouth was close to her ear. "That wasn't very nice Princess now was it?" The words dripped malice and pure evil, sending shivers of fear down her back. "Now what shall I do with you?" He ran his tongue along Kennedy's exposed neck, causing her to struggle against him. This only increased the pressure on her wrist and she soon understood that escape was futile.

"Let me go!" She managed, biting her lip against the pain.

"Oooh let me think?" Angelus replied. "Ok thought about it… No!"

He could feel her heart beating fast. Her terror music was to his ears. "Did you honestly think you could do it? Thought you could just walk in her and stick a stake in my heart? You don't have what it takes!" He sneered.

"Are… are you going to kill me?"

"It's a tempting offer Princess, but I don't think so. Not just yet anyway. I do however need you to be quiet. I have a little visit I need to make."

He brought the heel of his hand down upon the base of her neck causing her to loose consciousness.

"I didn't want to ruin my appetite."

Stepping over the prone figure on the floor he started up the stairs following Buffy's scent towards the room where she was sleeping.


	9. Chapter 9

Buffy smiled in her sleep. It was the dream she had almost every night while he was gone. But now it had a much happier ending. Spike was home, ok he wasn't in her bed where he should be, but the same dimension was a good start.

Never had it been quite this vivid. She could feel his cool arms around her. His strong hands stroking her shoulder, moving down her arm to her fingers. Feather light touches played across her stomach to her hip making her shiver with longing. Small circles were being drawn over her hip bone, tickling, before his fingers moved down her thigh. It amazed her that he had such a gentle touch for someone so strong.

It felt just like the last few nights they had spent together. His body pressed behind her, his arms around her making her feel safe and loved. She snuggled backwards, happy in her half asleep state.

Suddenly her eyes snapped open. This was no dream, he was really there.

"Spike?" She whispered. He answered by kissing her ear, sucking gently on the lobe. She squirmed as it tickled.

"What are you doing up here? You shouldn't be… Oh!" The fingers on her thigh became more insistent. She froze as they moved higher up her leg. Tantalisingly slowly he made tiny stroking movements as his hand crept upwards. Her soft skin tingled.

"Spike, No, it can't be safe to…" He had reached the bottom of her sleep shorts. One long finger worming its way upwards under the material. She felt herself dampen at the thought of what he could do to her. The kisses on her neck were becoming more insistent, more urgent, his erection pressing hard into her behind.

She tried to turn but his other arm held her tight, the hand forcing its way down the front of her pyjama top, grabbing her breast roughly.

"Ow, let me go!" She tried to move again. The hand on her thigh was trying to force its way between her legs. She struggled against him.

"What's the matter?" The dark voice growled in her ear.

Her voice quivering, Buffy knew the answer to the question even before it had left her lips. "Spike?"

"Guess again Buff."

With a swift movement, she freed her arm and elbowed him in the face. He flinched for a moment allowing her to roll from the bed.

"How the hell did you get free?" She spat, disgusted that he had touched her, even if he was wearing Spike's body.

He knelt on the bed, blocking her escape to the door. "Not please to see me? This is what you wanted though isn't it? Lover boy back in your bed. I thought you might like a little comfort and I know it's been a while since we…"

"We… we never had or did anything. It's Spike I wanted not you!"

"Wasn't always the case though now was it. You played our boy pretty good. He was the substitute for me not the other way around remember. You said yourself, only one vampire ever got you hot, can't help taking a little pride in it being me."

Buffy tried not to look at him. It was for all appearances Spike, but it wasn't. Everything about him was wrong. The mannerisms, even the leer, they were a facsimile, and those eyes. Even at his most deranged, Spikes eyes had never looked so cruel.

"C'mon Buff, one more roll around the sack for old times sake?"

"It was never you. Angel, for a while, but never you."

"Hey, it was me you woke up with baby, remember? Oh what a night that was."

He got up and began to walk around the bed, cornering her. Buffy picked up the stake from the bedside table.

Angelus laughed. "You think you're going to dust me? While I'm wearing this body?"

"I killed you once Angelus, I am damned sure I can do it again."

"Ah but that was different wasn't it girlie. That was Angel. Look into these eyes and tell me that you'll dust me. You do that, you'll lose him forever." He was advancing on her. Buffy hesitated. He was right, there was no way she could drive a stake into that chest, it would have been easier to drive it into her own.

His hand shot out and pinned the wrist with the stake to the wall. "Thought not. You're getting soft in your old age."

Raising her other hand, Buffy punched Angelus in the face causing him to move backwards. She managed two kicks to his stomach, then a third spinning kick to the face causing him to reel backwards into her dresser. "Did that feel like I'm getting soft?"

Angelus got up. He laughed as he wiped the blood from Spike's mouth. "Now we're talking. From what I understand from his memories, this is the equivalent of foreplay for you two. This make you get all damp for Spikey? I know it's doing the trick for me."

She aimed a punch at his face which he ducked; grabbing Buffy by the hair he pulled her forwards, slamming her body into the wardrobe. She let out a groan of pain.

"This how he did it? I see it all. I see what you put him through, you bitch. But he's too much of a pussy to do anything about it. He just keeps running back and taking every piece of crap that you throw at him." Angelus tapped a finger against Spike's temple. "I see it all, his thoughts of you. You weren't very nice!"

Buffy got to her feet. She threw three punches, all of which Angelus blocked. "If you have access to Spike's mind then you also know that he loves me and I love him!" She said breathlessly.

Angelus laughed. "Love? You think what you have is love? What you have is a lap dog that you like to kick when things aren't going so well for poor little Buffy!"

Buffy pounded her fist into his face. "You…" And the other fist. "Don't…" And again. "Know…" And again. "Anything…" And again. "About it!"

Angelus slumped against the wall.

The door opened. "Buffy, we heard noises are you all right?" Willow looked from the panting Buffy to the heap that looked like Spike. "What happened?"

"It's not Spike. It's Angelus, somehow he got out and came looking for a reunion."

Giles's head appeared around the door frame. Good God! How could he possibly have escaped?"

Buffy had her back to the vampire. "I don't know, but we should get him back to the cage…"

She was cut off as Angelus sprung from the floor and grabbed her from behind. "Not until I've got what I came for girlie." He growled in her ear. He moved into game face. Buffy cried out as the fangs sunk deep into her neck. She was aware of the commotion around her as she slowly lapsed into unconsciousness.

The darkness twirled around her. She found herself in a room. There in one corner was Spike. He was naked to the waist. Around his arms were thick heavy chains. She could see him struggling to free himself.

"Spike!" She called out.

Wild eyes turned to meet hers. "Buffy!" She could feel the anguish as he fought against his shackles.

"Help me Spike!"

With supreme effort he wrenched against the bonds. She could hear the groaning of the metal. His muscles straining as he pulled himself forwards. With a scream of pain he pulled harder, the links began to stretch. Buffy tried to step forward to help him, but she was rooted to the spot.

With a final roar, Spike freed his left arm and leg. "Get away from here! I don't know how long I can hold it!"

Buffy felt herself floating back into her body. The teeth were being withdrawn and Spike was backing away. Her blood still fresh on his mouth. His eyes were wild as he tried to keep his sire at bay.

"Get away!" He screamed, before her foot connected with his jaw, knocking him into his own unconsciousness.

With Buffy at his head and Giles at his feet they carried the unconscious Spike down to the basement. Buffy stumbled a moment on the stairs.

"Are you ok, Buffy, you've lost some blood?" Giles tried to re adjust Spikes feet.

"I'm fine; we just need to get him caged before he wakes up. And find out how the hell he got out."

Willow opened the door to the basement as the other two struggled down with their burden. She gasped as she saw Kennedy just starting to sit up in the cage.

"Sweetie, what happened? Did he trick you into letting him out?"

Kennedy rubbed her neck, with a sideways look at Buffy she went to her girlfriend's arms. "He tricked me, yes, of course."

Giles and Buffy dumped the unconscious Spike into the cage, making sure that the door was firmly locked. "I think I'll hold on to this key." Buffy said with a pointed look at Kennedy.

Giles tried to touch Buffy's neck. "You should get that looked at."

"Later. I want to be here when one of them wakes up."

"Well I know someone who needs a big hug and some hot chocolate." Willow, still with her arm around Kennedy steered her towards the door.

Buffy waited until they had left. "He was a prisoner Giles."

"I know but you can't possibly think Kennedy…?"

"I don't mean here, I mean in his mind. I don't know, while he was biting me, I was there. I saw Spike. He was chained up in his own mind. We have to save him."

The prone figure on the bed began to stir. He sat up rubbing his chin. "Save him?" That same derisive Angelus tone. The icy blue eyes raised up to meet hers. "Save him, with your blood you've destroyed him."

Buffy looked at Giles uncertainly then back to the monster in the cage. "Don't you get it?" He taunted. "It was your blood I needed. We had a bond when I was Angel, now you and this body have completed the circle."

"Crow while you can Angelus, but this isn't over!"

He laughed and lay back on the cot. "You don't think so? I drank from you."

He turned his head so that he could catch her in that cold gaze. "Spikey doesn't live here any more."


	10. Chapter 10

"I need you to check Will… you can do that right?" Buffy stretched her shoulder and winced slightly at the pain.

"I can do that. Buffy… are you ok?" The witch asked, a look of concern on her face.

"Yeah, just a few tinglies in the shoulder, I'll be fine. Its Spike I'm more concerned about, somehow I can't see him giving up that easily."

"The bad penny." Xander added without looking up from his book. The silence finally got through as he realised he was on the wrong end of a slayer stare.

"With the always turning up I meant… not with the bad, although… I'll shut up now."

Buffy sighed. "It's Ok Xander. You don't have to pretend."

"Don't worry Buffy, if he's in there then this witch will find him." Willow smiled confidently.

In the basement Angelus watched in amusement as Willow closed her eyes.

"I don't know why you're bothering. I already told you, Spikey moved out." He sneered.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Kennedy asked.

"It should be perfectly safe as long as Willow doesn't stay to long." Giles replied, his eyes never leaving the vampire.

"I don't see why she had to do this at all." Kennedy muttered under her breath.

"She has to do it because our dear little Buffy can't quite believe that Spike ran out on her… again. But that's what they do isn't it Buff. All the men that you care for… run away in the end."

Buffy blinked slowly. "Spike didn't leave."

Angelus laughed. "Didn't leave? Wasn't exactly in a hurry to get back to you though was he? I mean, he stayed out of the way, only came back because you put the pressure on. The best thing you could do for the poor guy was leave him the hell alone. But it isn't about Spike is it? Its all about you, all about what the slayer wants…" Angelus leaned back against the wall, a smug smile on Spikes face. "Tell me I'm wrong."

Buffy stared for a moment, slight doubt flickering behind her eyes. She had made Spike come back. In the bar he had wanted to walk away… She shook her head, things were different now. She forced herself to imagine what Spike would say if he were here now. Something sarcastic, something funny, but behind it all she knew he loved her. Things were definitely different, _they_ were different.

"You're wrong." She said firmly. "Will, are you ready?"

The witch nodded in the affirmative.

Angelus closed his eyes. "Ah, there you are little witch. Go ahead, have a good look around, I give you safe passage, let me know if you find anything good."

"That's long enough!" Kennedy shouted as Willows' face contorted. "Come back now Willow."

"Wait." Giles said, his hand stopping the young slayer. "We have to be sure."

"He's hurting her."

Willow opened her eyes; a feint gold tinge shone around her pupils then was gone. She sagged slightly. Kennedy ran forward to catch her.

"Are you satisfied?" She said accusingly at Buffy.

"I'm Ok sweetie." Willow said quietly. "That was one twisty trip."

"Will?" Buffy asked.

The redhead caught her friends' eye and gave a slight shake of her head.

Buffy felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her. She'd only just found him again, when was the universe going to cut her a break? She turned abruptly and ran up the stairs.

"Told you so." Angelus said gleefully.

"I wouldn't gloat too much Angelus." Giles said quietly. "If Spike is indeed gone then you are in something of a predicament. There is nothing to stop us staking you…"

Angelus laughed, his eyes on the watcher. "I don't think that's going to happen is it? Because if this body is gone then there is no way her lapdog is coming back and even if she wanted to…."

"She killed Angel." Giles replied.

"But Angel is not Spike, plus I have slayer blood in me, makes me stronger than ever. Who among you is going to do the deed because I'm pretty sure Buffy isn't going to, and you guys don't have what it takes... If you want to try I could use the exercise."

* * *

><p>Willow tapped gently on Buffy's bedroom door.<p>

"Buffy? Sweetie? Can I come in?"

There was a muffled reply. Willow turned the knob and opened the door. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the gloom, but there was the slayer lying face down on the bed her face wet with tears. She sat up as the witch took a seat next to her.

"You Ok?" Willow asked, knowing the question was redundant.

"He's really gone isn't he?" Buffy rolled her shoulder, the tingling was back and this time more insistent.

The witch nodded sadly.

"So now I have to go down there and kill that… thing?" There was almost a pleading in her voice. She stretched out her arm.

"Not right away, I do have an idea … do you want me to see to that arm, it looks uncomfortable?"

"I'm fine." Buffy snapped. "What's the idea?"

"I've talked it over with Giles and I think it might work. I just need to run it past you."

"Anything." For the first time there was hope in her eyes.

"Angelus is Angel without the soul right?"

Buffy nodded.

"So if I reignite the soul then the result should be Angel?"

"Angel?" Buffy said uncertainly. Her right arm felt as if it was on fire.

"I know it won't be Spike, but where there is Angelus, there must be Angel. The only difference is he would be wrapped in Spike?" Willow said. "Might not be all bad, and we could possibly save one of them?"

Like a flash Buffy felt her arm lift of its own accord. It slapped the witch smartly across the cheek.

Willow looked in surprise into eyes that for just a moment seemed out of place.

From the blonde slayer came an unmistakeable British accent.

"Sod that!"


	11. Chapter 11

"We found Spike!" Buffy said to the assembled researching scoobies. Kennedy rolled her eyes.

Willow rubbed her cheek ruefully. "We think we _might_ have found Spike." She added.

The Slayer turned on her. "When have I ever been known to speak with a British accent, let alone…?" She let the last words fade away.

Willow smiled.

"Much as I enjoy the suspense of all this, could you possibly share where we think Spike is?" Giles asked.

"Apparently he's…" Buffy stopped.

"We think, or rather I heard… he seems to have taken up residence in Buffy." Willow finished for her friend.

"That would be one happy Spike then." Xander sniped.

Giles got up from behind the table and walked around to where Buffy stood. He looked her squarely in the eyes as if searching for something.

"How do you know? Can you feel him?" He asked eventually.

Buffy bit her lower lip. "No, I don't feel any different at all, occasional tinglies but that's all."

"Spike." Giles demanded. "If you are in there then I suggest you show yourself."

All eyes were on Buffy as she stood in the centre of the room looking uncomfortable, there was no sign of Spike.

Giles wiped his glasses, refusing to meet Buffys' gaze.

"It is possible." The watcher said carefully, "That in times of grief you may just be experiencing some hope of his surviving the experience, however practically…"

"Willow heard him, it was a British accent. I sounded like the Queen of England?"

Giles raised his eyebrows in amusement. "Quite." He added, "But even so, it completely unprecedented Buffy, I'm sorry."

"Can't Will do her searching about in the mind thing. Then we would know if he was there?" Buffy asked. "I am all prepared to be mind dissected."

"Even if Spike had managed by some manner to gain access into your mind Buffy, there is no evidence that he has managed to maintain the arrangement, vampire and slayer in the same body? He does not seem willing to join us now."

Buffy frowned, perhaps it had been all her imagination, it was possible she supposed. It could be the strain of losing him again.

"Of course Willow could try to access your subconscious, but that would mean having access to all of your thoughts and feelings?" Giles said in a kinder tone. "But the chance of finding him if he is there, and more importantly the likelihood of reuniting him with his body is going to be difficult, if not impossible."

Buffy shook her head.

"I'll keep looking." Willow said squeezing her friends' hand. "There are a few of the more obscure texts I can access."

"At the moment we have more pressing issues. Need I remind you we have a very dangerous and extremely evil vampire in the basement? A decision has to be made one way or another. I stand by my suggestion." The watcher tapped his glasses on his lips. "I can ask the coven for support, but it would be ultimately down to Willow to re-ensoul Angelus. That alone will take a lot of her energy but at least we would have mitigated some of the risk."

"Or we just stake him!" Kennedy burst out.

All eyes turned to her. She stepped forward waving her arms expansively.

"Am I the only one who doesn't think we should be turning into a vampire sanctuary? We are slayers, they are vampires, we slay vampires, we don't try and save them!"

"Angel is a force for good." Giles said once the shock of her outburst had died down.

"And so is Spike." Buffy added quietly. "Has a soul."

The watcher placed a fatherly hand on her arm. "Indeed.".

Giles addressed the group. "There are preparations to make, I suggest we sleep on it tonight."

Watcher and Slayer waited for the room to empty.

"So Angel will be in Spikes' body." She said finally to the older man.

"Buffy, even if Spike had taken up residence in you, of which there is no real evidence, there is no way we know of that could return him to his own body before the slayer part of you rejects him. At least this way we have the opportunity to save one of them."

"So you are asking me to choose between Spike and Angel."

"I am working on the problem at hand." Giles responded.

"Just answer me one question. If this were the other way around, would you be so keen to sacrifice Angel to save Spike?"

The watcher said nothing, he stared for a moment. "My personal feelings…" He began.

"That was all I needed to know." Buffy turned angrily and made her way back to her room.

* * *

><p>Sleep was not easy coming to the blonde slayer. She tossed and turned in her bed. Images of the two vampires she had loved flashed in her mind. She could understand the logic of transforming Angelus once more into Angel, and normally she would have delighted at the return of the brooding vampire. But, this was at the expense of Spike. She tried to imagine that body with the mannerisms of his sire, it did not quite compute.<p>

At some point her mind must have drifted off.

The room was dusty. Buffy sat up in the rubble and coughed. This place looked familiar. Gazing around at the broken beams and cracked plaster she stood up and brushed herself off, it suddenly became clear. This was where it all started, the place where her loathing for Spike ultimately turned into passion. She started at a sudden movement in the corner of her eye.

Stepping from behind the beam, there he was, her blonde vampire.

"You took your time pet." He said simply. He wasn't wearing the duster, just a black tee-shirt and jeans. Crouching on his haunches, he idly drew in the dust with his finger.

"Spike!" In an instant she was moving towards him. "Are you… is this…?" She gently placed a hand against his cheek as he leaned into her touch.

"I'm really here." He said answering her unspoken question.

"Why… I couldn't feel you?" She said, blinking back a tear.

He removed her hand and placed it over his non beating heart. "I've always been with you sweetheart."

Buffy was unable to speak for a moment. She turned away, taking in her surroundings and composing herself. "Where are we?" She asked.

"You don't recognise it pet? The house we broke?" She could hear the leer in his voice.

"I do, but why here?" She turned to face him.

There was a mischievous grin on his face. "It's your subconscious pet. This is one of your go to memories, seems it made quite an impression?"

Buffy felt herself blush. "I… it… was… um memorable."

"So I am discovering… you have quite the dirty mind." He held his tongue behind his teeth a twinkle in his eyes.

Buffy placed her hands on her hips. "Have you been poking around in my subconscious?"

"Only a bit… I was bored!" He whined.

"You leave my fantasies alone!"

Spike just grinned at her, his head on one side. She knew instinctively the moment she was gone he would be back to his investigations.

"I mean it, I don't want you looking through… things, it's private!"

"It's filthy is what it is… you should be ashamed!"

Buffy opened her mouth to speak as the blush reached her hair. She knew he was goading her and decided instead to change the subject. "Why didn't you speak to Giles? They all think I've gone nuts."

Spike was suddenly serious. "Somehow I can't see _Rupert_ exactly jumping through hoops to help me can you?"

"They want to…"

"Re-ensoul Angelus, yeah, I heard." He began to pace up and down. "That poof poncing around in my body. It's a bloody travesty that's what it is. He'll have me wearing a soppy expression and sniffin' the bleedin' flowers!"

Buffy stifled a smile.

"And how do you feel about it? Your sweety bags mincing around in my body?" He said stopping suddenly to stare at her one eyebrow raised. "Or is that one of your fantasies I haven't found yet?"

The slayer looked innocent. "We-ll…" She said, a slight look of mischief on her face.

Spike growled. "You have got to be bloody joking!" He began to pace again. "You think you're going to be using my body to do the nasty with that wanker… Over my dead body…"

He walked towards her. "Well obviously my body is already dead." He frowned as he thought about it. "Over my dusted body then."

He noticed her grin. "I told them no." She said quietly. "But."

"But? There's a but?"

"There is always a but. As he is Angelus is dangerous. He needs to be subdued, even if it is only temporary while we work out how to get you back into your own body… how did you even get in here anyway?"

"Followed the blood dint I? Had to get out of there, you were close and it just… happened." He shrugged.

"So how do we get you back?"

The vampire shrugged. "How should I know? You're the ones with the books and stuff, I'm just the bloke who hits things until they do what I want. So what are you going to do once you have tall, dark and boring cosily holed up in my body? You find a way to get me back and then what, you chuck him out on his ear?"

"I… I don't know, there has to be a way."

Spike ran a hand through his bleached hair. "That's not you Buffy." He held her gaze, "You're right about one thing though luv. He is dangerous, especially with slayer blood in him. Mighty potent stuff, I should know."

"That was who you used to be Spike, not who you are now." She said evenly.

"But still, I will never be forgiven will I?"

"I forgave you."

"Doesn't mean a thing to that lot though." His thumb jabbed upwards. "I'm always going to be the bad guy. If I had a hundred souls that will never ever change and they will always be reminding you." He sighed and turned away.

"When did you ever care what they thought? The slayer went after him, grabbing his arm. "What's with the oh poor Spike routine?" She said crossly, making him face her.

He looked pained. "Maybe pet I am just tired of the constant battle with your entourage. If they have to have a vampire among them they would rather it was _any_ vampire but me."

"Oh for goodness sake." She said almost stamping her foot. "Angel is not just any vampire, and more importantly this is not the time to start with the melancholy. You saved the world, you have a soul, and you've changed. We'll get you back in your body and then we will work out all the other feely stuff."

"Really?" There was a slight hopefulness in the little boy look.

"Really. Now tell me everything that happened when you switched, don't leave anything out."

* * *

><p>Angelus smiled. He lay on the bunk, arms behind his head his eyes firmly closed. There had been a constant stream of trainee slayers creeping in to gawk at the captured master vampire. Each ones essence had made him a little stronger, soon it would be time to escape.<p>

He'd heard them whispering. Clearly these girls had no concept of vampire hearing. So they were going to try and bring back Angel? The smile broadened. He had never felt so strong, as powerful as he did at the moment. What he didn't need is a soul holding him back, he was done with all of that. For the moment he had to bide his time, but he had a plan.


	12. Chapter 12

"I have a plan." Willow and Buffy said together when they finally met in the kitchen. They shared a mutual smile.

"We've been friends too long." Buffy said smiling.

The house was silent.

"Ok," Buffy said. "You go first."

* * *

><p>Angelus opened an eye. There seemed to be activity, this would be interesting. Junior slayers moved about, trying to stay quiet, the witch was here and… Buffy. He stretched Spikes body lazily before turning into a sitting position. So this was the moment, when they were planning to chain him back to his soul.<p>

"Everybody leave." Buffy said sternly.

"But Buffy I really feel…" Giles began.

"I don't want to leave Willow." Kennedy said stubbornly.

"Please Giles, Kennedy?" She said. There was such pleading in her eyes, the watcher could not deny her. He eased the objecting Kennedy out of the door. Still he had an uncomfortably prickly feeling, he rubbed his neck as if to wipe it away.

"We will be right outside." He said unnecessarily.

Once the room had cleared Willow opened the large book she had been holding. She swallowed nervously and glanced at Buffy. The slayer nodded for her to begin.

With a breath the witch began to chant in an ancient language. Slowly at first the words began to take on more speed and volume. Her eyes began to darken until they were two black spheres. The atmosphere in the room seemed almost tangible as Willow continued with her spell. Angelus stared from the cot and seemed almost uninterested. Suddenly he began to twitch. Firstly a barely visible tick, it then began to take over the whole body. He fell forwards onto the ground on his hands and knees, a violent reaction seemed to be coursing through his whole body building in time with the crescendo of Willows chant. It stopped as suddenly as with a scream Angelus collapsed onto the floor. All the while Buffy had watched impassively.

"You ok Will?" She asked, not even looking at her friend.

The redhead shook her head as though shrugging off a bad memory. When she opened her eyes they were back to normal. "Fine." She said her voice slightly hoarse.

"Angel?" Buffy asked.

The vampire tried to move. "Buffy." He gasped.

"Angel." She said, her voice sounded full of emotion. Taking the key from her pocket, Buffy unlocked the cell door and stepped inside.

The vampire was struggling to get to his feet. Buffy placed a hand on his arm to help him. Instantly his other hand whipped around grabbing her roughly by the throat. "Guess again Baby!" He growled as he sneered into her face.

With effort Buffy lifted her knees, using her feet to push Angelus backwards, her right arm throwing a punch which connected with his nose. The vampire reeled backwards, wiping away a small trickle of blood.

"You honestly thought that you could burden me with a soul again. C'mon, don't you know anything?"

"So explain it to me." Buffy said throwing two more punches, one blocked, the other one connecting with his jaw.

Angelus countered with a punch to her stomach, forcing her to double over. The back of his right fist caught her across he cheekbone, sending her flying. In an instant she was on her feet.

"You should know Buff, it's Slayer 101. I possess another, not the one that was cursed by the gypsies. You just tried to re-ensoul the wrong body."

Buffy launched herself at him. Her blows easily blocked just caused him to laugh. She stepped back, flicking the hair out of her eyes.

"You just keep coming baby. The more you fight me the stronger I become." It seemed to be true more blows just bounced off the master vampire, she was tiring.

Grabbing the slayer Angelus picked her up and threw her backwards against the bars of the cage like a rag doll. A groan escaped her lips as she slid to the floor.

Angelus stood over her. Gripping her around the neck he lifted her limp body. "You're no match for me girlie." She looked into that face, Spikes face. "You're just a slayer… You're good, but not good enough. I have slayer blood in me. Vampire and slayer blood… you can't beat that hand."

Buffy felt the breath being squeezed out of her, she struggled against the hand around her throat. She was close to blacking out…

The tingles began in her shoulder, they were almost unperceivable, but gradually she felt them spread through her body like a wave. The strength returned but this time it was something more, an awesome power that she had never possessed before, but then she had never actually been possessed before.

Angelus changed into game face ready to bury his fangs into her throat. As his head descended Buffys' right arm shot upwards the heel of her hand catching him under the chin. The sheer power surprised the vampire as his head was forced backwards, his body had no option but to follow. Flipping onto her feet, Buffy could feel the full power of Spike as it coursed through her veins.

All those years of fighting face to face and back to back, there was no dispute, no awkwardness, their two styles merged into one. Angelus found himself under a rein of blows, there was no way he could block them all. He staggered backwards.

"I think you might find I have an ace or two up my sleeve." She said.

"Wanker!" Spike added. Buffy snapped her mouth shut at the involuntary expletive.

"Leave the talking to me." She said through tight lips.

"Wanker!" She said in her own voice. "Hey that felt good!" She smiled at the admission. Her moment was short lived. Angelus attempted another lunge, but now it was he who was tiring. Easily dodged, the vampire received a spinning kick for his trouble. He landed awkwardly on the cot. She sprung to stand over him. Punching him in the face, or rather Spike was punching him, she seemed to be watching it all from afar.

"You think I didn't know you would fake being Angel?" She said. "That wasn't a spell to bring back his soul, it was a spell to bind, bind me and Spike. One slayer and one very angry vampire trumps your slayer blood."

With effort she forced Spike to stop hitting him. Angelus lay there, with Spikes face bloodied.

"Bollocks!" Spike exclaimed, "That's going to take ages to heal!"

Angelus opened his eyes, he wasn't ready to give up yet. Betrayal by his own childe. He sprang from the cot but they were ready for him, two vicious punches to the face he began to fall forwards, Buffy pushed him back with the palm of her hand… hard. He crashed against the bars of the cage and didn't move.

Buffy/Spike stretched, each wondering at the new feelings, what it was like to be the other person.

"Freaky." Buffy said, looking at her arm as if she was seeing it for the first time.

"Willow? You ready?"

The witch nodded from her vantage point by the door. "Here goes nothing." She said as she began the spell.

Buffy/Spike was busy watching Willow, they didn't notice Angelus gingerly getting to his feet. Slayer blood, that's what he needed. Lunging with the last of his strength he grabbed Buffy from behind, her reflexes just a second too slow. She felt the teeth sinking into her neck. His grip had been poor, and with additional vampire speed she managed wrench herself away the stake instinctively in her hand. Despite the adrenalin she froze. Her hand wouldn't move, suddenly all she could see was Spike, she couldn't stake him. Spike on the other hand had no such compulsions. It was going to be without doubt one of the stupidest things he'd ever done, but taking over the slayers arm he plunged the stake into his own non beating heart.


	13. Chapter 13

For Buffy it felt as if the world had stopped as the last of the dust settled in a neat pile on the floor. She stared at the stake in her hand suddenly throwing it away from her as though it burned. Eyes wide with despair she looked at Willow, the witches' amazement mirrored her own.

Willow moved to open the cellar door, but to Buffy it was all in slow motion. Like a puppet with its strings cut she sank to her knees as Spikes strength left her, Spike had left her... again. This time it looked like it was for good.

Giles stepped into the cellar followed by the trainee slayers. The sight of the senior slayer hunched over a pile of ash was all they needed to know. There was a strange deathly silence that no-one wanted to break.

Buffy had never felt so empty, she had always been alone but not like this. Losing him a second time was somehow far worse, she felt the heartbreak would engulf her completely. She barely noticed the bite on her shoulder or the increasing amount of blood staining her shirt and running down her arm.

Despite the audience she couldn't hold back the tears. She wanted to howl, she wanted to scream, instead a great sob erupted from her throat. It was followed by another as grief wracked her whole body. Her arms wrapped around her body the slayer rocked backwards and forwards trying to hold everything in. It didn't work. The sobs were coming in waves now as the tears streamed down her cheeks, she didn't bother to wipe them away, just sat hunched over as they fell unhindered. She didn't notice them mixing with the blood from her wound or the way they dropped with a plop into the pile of dust. She didn't even register as the droplets began to steam. It was only when large amounts of smoke began to pour from the dust that it broke through her pain. She watched it quizzically. With a gasp she scrambled backwards. The smoke was pouring upwards, getting stronger and thicker. It was forming a shape, a familiar shape. As it cleared she could make out a face and a body that only moments before she thought she would never see again. The expression on his face showed an equal amount of astonishment. They stared at each other.

A suppressed giggle from the audience of teenage girls brought them out of their trance.

"Oh bloody hell!" He swore, placing his hands over his privates and ducking behind Buffy. He'd resurrected completely naked.

"How very interesting." Giles said peering over his glasses. "I had read it was possible to bring back vampires with blood, but I had never seen it done before. I always thought it was an urban myth."

Buffy tried to face Spike but he turned her back to face the audience and cover his modesty while he scrabbled to grab the blanket from the cot.

"I'm not a bloody zoo exhibit, can't you get them out of here?"

Giles snapped out of his curiosity. "Yes come along girls, time to leave, I think we've seen quite enough."

"More than enough." Willow quipped. Giles shook his head and began to usher them out of the door. The last to leave, the watcher stopped.

"I'm…I'm glad you're back Spike." He said, before closing the door behind him.

Spike had managed to wrap the blanket around his waist. It was no protection against the angry slayer who whipped round to face him.

"Of all the stupid… ridiculous… idiotic…!" She was cut off mid outburst as Spike grabbed her shoulders and pulled her towards him, his lips pressed hard against hers in a passionate kiss. They broke apart blue eyes searching green. He noticed her wince and immediately released the pressure from her shoulder.

"You ok?" He asked indicating the wound.

She shrugged it off. "All the kissing does not mean I'm not still pissed with you! What the hell were you thinking?" She could feel the hysteria rising in her voice.

"I wasn't thinking… obviously… It was a reflex… I was protecting _you_!" He shouted back, before adding. "Ungrateful bitch!"

"I didn't ask you to protect me!"

"It wasn't your choice, it's what I needed to do!"

"I didn't want you to die doing it! Will you please stop dying on me!"

"When you stop dying on _me_ I'll think about it!"

Buffy folded her arms across her chest, reviewing him.

"What?" He was still yelling.

"Is that what this is about, you want to have died more times than me?" She asked.

The look on his face was incredulous. "Have you gone completely box of frogs? It's not a soddin' competition luv, I didn't do it for giggles! Now if you're done yelling at me, you think you could possibly go and get me some bloody clothes?"

Buffy eyed the almost naked vampire appreciatively. "Do I have to?" She said biting her bottom lip.

The vampire raised a scarred eyebrow. "You're thinking about _that_… now?"

"No…Yes… Kinda." She replied, lowering her eyes.

"Give a fella a chance, I've only been undead five minutes!"

"Of course, I understand." Keeping her eyes averted she turned and walked towards the door. Spike waited until her hand was on the door handle. With vampire speed he was across the room his body pressing her against the door from behind. "Although, there is a certain unfinished business we need to deal with." He whispered into her ear.

"I thought you were taking things slow?" She said, not turning around.

"I've been floating around in your subconscious kitten, remember? I didn't realise it had been so… long."

She could feel his lips moving against her ear, they were sending tingles directly to her jeans. "What? Oh… well not really that lo..."

"Or that you were so… frustrated?" His voice was almost a growl. Small nibbling kisses were working their way down her neck.

"What makes you think that?" She gasped, barely able to breathe. Her skin felt like it was on fire. Spikes nostrils flared, he could smell her desire, her need for him, it was delicious.

"Oh well if you're not, that's ok then." He said brightly, turning away.

He didn't get very far before she turned, grabbed the blanket and pulled his body back against her. She raised her head, lips tantalising close to his as she whispered. "I was only locking the door."

* * *

><p>Her blonde hair spread across Spikes chest Buffy snuggled closer to him. He wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and held her tighter.<p>

"Do you think they heard anything?" She said dreamily. "Upstairs?"

A laugh left Spikes throat. "With all the screaming? Yes luv, I think they probably heard from here to Timbuktu."

"Oh." She buried her head in his chest as he stroked her hair.

Suddenly she looked up into his face. "How did you get back anyway? I don't suddenly want vamps becoming all undusty on me. Killing them once is enough."

"You cry over many of em?"

"Not that many no." She smiled."

"I don't know sweetheart, that's the honest truth. When something me shaped appeared, I just followed the blood."

"You vampires… its blood this and blood that."

"It's potent stuff slayer. Why else do you think we drink it?"

Buffy made a face. "Don't you ever think about anything else?"

Spike raised both eyebrows.

"Oh yes, um, right, the screaming…" Blushing she nuzzled back into his neck.

* * *

><p>Spike closed the door of his apartment, the Ramones CD in one hand car keys in the other. It was a while since he'd taken a road trip and he definitely needed loud music to take his mind off things.<p>

The De-sota with the blacked out windows was parked at the side of the building. He rounded the corner and stopped. Buffy was sitting cross-legged on the bonnet. She did not look pleased.

Taking an unnecessary breath he walked slowly towards the car.

Seeing him she jumped down and strode forward, the heels of her boots clicking on the pavement. She pulled something from her pocket, immediately Spike flinched but it was nothing more than a well worn sheet of paper.

"A note Spike? A freaking note!"

"To be fair luv it was more of a letter." He said shrugging.

"I thought we had finally got past all of this mixed signals crap?"

Pushing past her Spike unlocked the car and threw the CD inside. He couldn't meet her eye, it would make everything so much more… impossible.

She'd been crying, he could hear it in her voice. He tried to block it out.

"Look." He said finally looking at her. "It's for the best, for your …"

"If the words 'own good' are marching towards that sentence I would suggest you stop right there." Buffy interrupted. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kick your arse right now?" She stood directly in front of him, hands on hips demanding an answer.

"Because you know I'm right." There was such an earnest expression on his face. Buffy felt a lump in her throat. "While I'm around you won't move on. You won't have a family or normality or an awful lot of sunlight." He reached out and brushed a finger through her hair. "You deserve to be in the sun Goldilocks, you deserve normal."

"Have you _seen_ my life?" She asked. "If I date a _normal_ guy they either get freaked out by the super human strength or I have to hold everything back because there's a good chance he may end up in the hospital. I fight vampires and demons, not known for their normality or love of sun bathing and who said I want kids anyway, I spend my entire life surrounded by mini slayers, that's enough to put anyone off!"

Despite himself Spike smiled.

"I know what this is about." She continued. "Part two of your little essay here. It's because you think the others won't accept you, they won't accept us?"

Spike shrugged.

"Spike?" She asked again.

"I would be right back to being you're pet vampire. You think I want that? I was the Big Bad you know?" He snapped, jabbing a finger into his own chest. "Then there is the watching my back. There is not a one of them in there that wouldn't try and introduce me to the wrong end of a wooden pointy thing at the first opportunity."

"You're wrong." She said softly. "Giles was glad you were back?"

"Today. But what happens tomorrow when there is something he can blame on me?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Will you listen to yourself? This is about you and me, not anyone else. If you wanted to be with me…"

Spikes' face softened. "If there was a way I would take it like a shot. But…"

"But what? You want me to be alone and miserable?"

"You wouldn't be alone for long."

Buffy placed a hand on the side of his face in a gentle caress. "But I would be miserable... When are you going to realise that if you're not there then nothing matters?"

Spike leaned into her touch. He could feel his demon purring.

"You love me don't you?" She asked.

"More than anything."

"And I love you. That's all that matters now. So when are we leaving?"

"But…" He began.

"No buts. I'm coming with you."

Spikes eyes widened in shock. "You… but… what?"

"You heard me. You're obviously going to be all boneheaded and shirty about this and I want to see if it will work just you and me. I need to get out there, visit some other training facilities and to be honest I think I deserve a break in between apocalypses don't you?"

"Right?" Spike was still non plussed. "And how do _they_ feel about that?"

"They understand. They don't like it but they understand." Suddenly Spike felt a sharp kick to his shin.

" OW!"

"That's from Dawn. She said, and I quote, 'tell the big dumb-ass that I will be doing that in person when you finally persuade him that he's being a jerk and come home."

"Right." Spike opened the car door. "Nothing I say is going to make a difference to this is it?"

"Nope." She replied "Can I drive?"

"NO! Luggage?"

"Already in the trunk. You really should remember to lock up." She settled into the seat her knees tucked under her chin as he shook his head and started the car.

They just reached the suburbs when Spike turned down the stereo. "You're sure about this? It's not too late to turn back?"

"I am." She said firmly.

"Ok then."

"Spike?" She said after a few minutes. "How long were you going to wait?"

"What's that pet?"

"It was hours after nightfall. You must have been out to the car at least seven times before I finally calmed down enough to speak to you. How long were you going to wait?"

Spike held her gaze for a moment. "As long as it took."

* * *

><p><strong><em>**Thank you for reading my little tale. I hope you enjoyed it. <em>****_On a different note. When I have the time, energy and inclination I am planning to write some stories based on the adventures of Spike and Buffy on the road as they explore their relationship. If this is something you would like to read please let me know, it may help to get my butt in gear._**

**_Thanks, Elf x**_**


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